Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Yeah, Write

My friend Laurieann posted a link on Facebook, and I am in love with the blog , Yeah Write, she found.  I am especially in love with this post, which talks about Laurieann.  My favorite quote from the post: "I learned that adoption does not cure infertility. It cures childlessness."

As I was reading this post, I reflected on my life and my struggles with creating a family.  It took us me 6 years to complete the adoption paperwork.  It took me that long to come to terms with the path we were on (that I knew was right for us) and with the craziness that is the adoption triad.  It has always been hard for me, an economist trained to put everything in the context of Cost-Benefit Analyses, to wrap my head around the monetary transactions that exist in adoption.  Our beautiful birth mothers gave us the most amazing gift, at great personal cost and sacrifice, and we got to pay the state/case worker/adoption agency for their time in working on our case.  Our financial cost pales in comparison with the price that our birth mothers paid.

In hindsight, I am glad that we took the time we needed to fill out the paperwork.  I was able to come to terms with my barrenness through much study and prayer.  I read a lot of articles from people like Sheri Dew and Ardeth Kapp talking about motherhood and how giving birth is not a prerequisite for mothering.  It was hard to believe it at first; it was hard to not feel like a less-than woman, a biological failure.  But now infertility is not something I think about very often; in fact, most of the time I forget that I am barren.

Ellie and Lynlee complete me.  Our birth mothers gave me the gift of motherhood, and that gift filled the empty places inside of me.  I love this poem by Elise Broach, from her book Shakespeare's Secret.  It truly expresses how I feel about my beautiful daughters.

My heart, my hope
My soul, my smile
My held and whole
Beloved child.


Renee said...

I love hearing your write beautifully. I clicked on the blog link and spent 1/2 hours looking at it. Thanks for the inspiration. You truly are amazing and I admire you in so many ways.

RawBoneinLA said...

barren? that's a strong, strong word.


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