About a decade ago, I was really struggling.
We had had many setbacks in our infertility journey, some more devastating than others.
I was in a dark place. I was sad and found it hard to drag myself out of bed in the morning.
We had 2 of Greg's siblings living with us while they went to college, and Greg operated his fledgling business out of one of our bedrooms. People were in and out of our house constantly.
I was teaching 3 classes a semester at the U and had about 30 piano students.
But I just wanted to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head and never emerge. In hindsight, I am really grateful that we had Rod and Tanya with us, because it forced me to keep going through the motions until my equilibrium returned. And the fertility drugs finally worked themselves out of my system.
My main coping strategy was to listen to an arrangement of Wexford Carol by Jon Schmidt (made back when he was a solo artist and not one of The Piano Guys).
It is haunting and beautiful and I would be transported away from my feelings of sadness and overwhelming loss of hope. This is back in the day of actually having the CD in my car stereo and I would just repeat the track over and over.
We used to go to Jon Schmidt's Christmas concert every year, and in the midst of my craziness, I actually waited around after the show and requested that he play Wexford Carol sometime (he had never done so before and said he had never even considered it, because he would have to create a performance track).
The next year, he played it.
I took it as a tender mercy just for me. An evidence that the Lord had not forgotten me or my struggles.
Yesterday I was driving with the girls and Wexford Carol came up on my Christmas playlist (now all fancy on my iPod). I was instantly transported to that difficult time, and I was reminded of the feelings of peace and comfort that came through this experience.
I love this song.