A few months ago, Greg was in California and I entertained myself by reading adoption blogs. I found the blog Living Through Today and read quite a few of her posts. I am always interested in birthmom blogs and the perspective offered--the good and the bad, the joyful and the painful.
Lisa, the author, is a birthmom, and she has a post about negotiating a relationship with her daughter's adoptive parents. The thing that struck me the most was when she said:
We are all human. Adoption brings out both the best and worst in all of us.
I have been pondering something the wise Melinda Buchanan said at the FSA conference this year when talking about open adoption (and I'm paraphrasing): open adoption relationships are just like all other relationships--it is a human relationship, so it has ups and downs like all human relationships.
In my Relief Society, they do a spotlight on a sister or two each month. Last month, Dawnie also compiled a list of comments about lots of sisters. My favorite one said something to the effect of: I am most impressed by Julie Morrow. I never see her without a Spencer daughter in Sacrament Meeting. That is a true example of one friend serving another.
This is so true! Yesterday, Joe Dodge was sitting behind me and he leaned forward and said, "hey, I thought you had 2 daughters?" because both girls were with the Morrows. I strategically sit in the middle of the row, sandwiched between the Squires and the Morrows, and the girls go back and forth. I wouldn't make it without these good friends!
Resolution #1: improve the quality of my relationships with the people that matter most.
One of the fun things that comes from my calling on the Relief Society Committee is being able to set up for events. On one occasion a few months ago, the girls were having a hard time and didn't want to be at the church anymore. As I was struggling with entertaining them and getting my assignment done, I said something I vowed I would never say (to a young married woman in our ward): "See what you have to look forward to." I immediately engaged in what Greg calls woman-ese and clarified my statement with "but it's worth every minute."
I have reflected on that comment again and again. In all my years of infertility, I always told myself I would never make sarcastic comments about fertility. And then I did it.
I didn't know this sister's situation, other than that she didn't have any children. My comment became even worse in my own mind when I read this beautiful post she wrote about her difficult journey to conceive.
Resolution #2: think before I speak.