Monday, November 4, 2013

Featured on Adoption: Share the Love

I feel so blessed to have an article published on Adoption: Share the Love today.  The owner of the site, Haley, is an amazing birth mom.  I first met Haley last spring, when we were paired to do a presentation on adoption to 8th grade health classes.  She is so genuine and her story is inspiring.  I have followed her blog and her Facebook page ever since, and it is great to stay virtually connected with her!

So head on over to the Adoption: Share the Love page and check it out!


Adoption is a unique world.  In my experience, people come to adoption in various ways, but mostly because life hasn’t turned out as expected, or as planned.  That causes loss and grief.  But adoption is never a lesser plan or an inferior plan, it is simply a different plan—a wonderful plan.

Greg and I started on the adoption path about 12 years ago.  It took me 6 years to complete the adoption paperwork the first time around.  I am trained as an economist, and I love the models for explaining human behavior.  One major assumption in economics is that people behave rationally; that is, they will only choose behavior where the benefits outweigh the costs.  Another major assumption is that transactions are transparent, or that each party knows what is happening and what the true costs of the transaction are.  I could see the transparency in the adoption triad, and I could see the rationality, but adoption seemed like an unequal transaction.  It seemed to me that birth parents paid a great emotional and physical cost, adoptive parents reaped the benefit, and then adoptive parents paid the state/social workers/agency for facilitating the adoption.

It took me a few years to realize adoptive parents are not really in the adoption cost-benefit analysis at all.  Yes, adoptive parents pay monetary costs for the adoption, but the cost-benefit analysis is really about the bequeathal of life and love from the birth moms to the adoptees.   In economic terms, the benefit of a birth mom’s love completely eclipses the great price she pays.

In hindsight, I am glad that I took the time I needed to heal from my infertility pain, and to completely embrace the adoption world.

I am even gladder that it took me so long, because during my healing time, the world of adoption moved from closed adoptions to the amazingness that is open adoption.

Greg and I are in the middle of two open adoptions, and it is a beautiful thing.  We are the poster family for Perfect Open Adoptions.




While we do not have “Perfect Open Adoptions” we do have ongoing relationships with our daughters’ birth parents.  They are wonderful people that we feel honored to call family.  I guess our adoptions are perfect because they are ours.

What does open adoption mean for us?  It means we love and respect our daughters’ birth parents.  We are committed to nurturing our relationships.  It means that we have met all of the girls’ birth parents and have varying amounts of contact with each (depending on what they want).  We visit often (between 1-8 times a year), text, and stay connected through social media.  We have pictures of the girls’ birth moms in our family picture gallery and in the girls’ bedroom.  We talk about and pray for {T} and {M} daily.  The girls know their birth stories and love to tell people about their birth moms.

Open adoptions are awesome, and not something to be scared of.  It is not always easy to nurture relationships with our birth parents, but it is vital—to our daughters and to us.  Greg and I are committed to our birth parents, and through open and honest communication we have been able to work through issues as they come.  Sometimes there are hurt feelings or miscommunications, because we are all human.  But things always seem to work out because we all have the same goal—to see Eliana and Lynlee happy and loved.

Ellie and Lynlee know that their birth moms love them.  That is a powerful thing.

Contact info:
Our Adoption Video:
Main Blog:
2nd blog:
Our Adoption Profile:

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